We were a stutter,
a scratched CD,
false start after false start
screaming to become.
We were young intentions,
unresolved want,
curiosity drenched in hesitation.
We were also beautiful moments.
Chance encounters turned into soft afternoons
under canopied trees
on old wooden benches,
through plucked guitar strings.
Your head resting in my lap,
my heart staining your fingers.

-Laura Andrea

I feel sick.

Sick that you’re going to our world,
the world we found ourselves in,
the one we unintentionally created.

I have no right.
You might not even be going there,
but the possibility of it
of you washing us away with newer, healthier memories
weakens the breaks I have fortified with you.

My bitterness towards you has softened in time, unlike many others.
You cared for me in a way that you didn’t even notice
and now you’ll forget me in ways you’ll never realize.

-Laura Andrea

(less)

I always wanna go home
whether I’m in my childhood bedroom
or the dorm room I live in 9 months a year
I cry this
cradling myself
the springs in the mattress drilling my sides
thinking “just a lil bit longer”
always hoping
to be taken home

They say it’s the people,
where the heart is
but the heart is a muscle
and it isn’t until it’s injured that we know how much we use it

It wasn’t until I was heartbroken
that I realized how much I cared

home (less)
hope  (less)
heart (less)

-Laura Andrea

I can’t scream in my dreams,
never have.
Instead I raw my throat
heaving for an ear,
for an out.

I don’t scream while awake.
I stopped a time ago
grinding my teeth,
choking myself
because laughs drowned them out
even in my sleep.

There is no peaceful death.

-Laura Andrea

slurs

I should have known when you asked for my slurs
hoping that I would gift you ammunition
as  payment
proof
that I was lower than you.

You still found others
using ignorance as your shield.
You never found spic,
but dyke was easy,
tangible.

That’s how I knew you said it before,
how it was common to your lips
as they were to my skin.

-Laura Andrea

I’m ok with being alone
until I see a couple perform.
My body seethes, my mind dismisses.
Do I not deserve that?
A standing ovation of my own?

Perhaps not.
Perhaps I’m destined for transcendent things.

Heartstrings will only choke my growth.

-Laura Andrea

oro

Como la milla
como el que nos robaron
como el que nos mató al sacarlo
ahogándonos y rompiéndonos las espaldas
como el que debemos
como el que dicen que se acabó.

Pero mis pulmones son de oro
porque el hierro solo me ha encadenado
y he respirado las piedras con las que me han intentado ahogar.

Como el Bacardí
como la Medalla y la de Mónica
como la fantasía de mis pantallas
y la sombra de mis párpados
como el que hemos creado de nada.

Oro soy y oro seré.

-Laura Andrea

The hole in my panties

 looks like a face,

with floral eyes

and hanging threads for teeth.

Its mouth has your name

sewn into its fibers.

I’ve stitched it there

to keep it away

from mine.

 

-Laura Andrea